


Short Stories for Monsterous Roomates

by Willowanderer



Series: Monstrous Roommates [18]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Beer, Food, Freindship, Gossip, Homestuck - Freeform, Idiots, Implied Sexual Content, Kisses, M/M, Werewolf, ghost - Freeform, mummy - Freeform, vampire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-02-19 07:34:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22340680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowanderer/pseuds/Willowanderer
Summary: So sometimes I just write whatever I feel like on my tumblr.Sometimes they get refrenced in the main stories, so why not share?
Relationships: Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, LAMP/CALM
Series: Monstrous Roommates [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1470683
Comments: 128
Kudos: 251





	1. Drunk and Disorderly

The phone rang, and after a bit of an internal debate, Virgil picked it up and checked the number. Groaning, he answered it.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Mr. Knight?”

“Yeah.”

“Uh. This is Matt down at the Punk Brewster? Your uh… boyfriend is drunk and crying at the tasting bar again.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right, except he refuses to get in an Uber.” 

“Yeah, he hates those things.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ll be there in about fifteen. If you mix a beer half and half with water, he’ll drink it, and I’d appreciate it.”

“That’s gross, sir.” 

“Tell me about it.” Virgil hadn’t drunk beer since he’d gotten legal and it was easier to get other drinks. “Just… keep him there until I get there, and don’t listen to anything he says.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roman's the only one who is mentioned drinking in the stories. I worry about it sometimes.  
> It occurs to me that this could easily take place before the main storyline.


	2. Shut up Karen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gossip at the Cub Scout meeting

The Cub Scouts were gathering at the trail head, and their mothers were gathering behind them. 

“I mean, of course there’s nothing wrong with that, but I still have to worry about that new leader.” 

“I mean he’s cheerful enough, but who is like that all the time?”

“And he doesn’t seem to have a job, just living with three other men? Who knows what they get up to?” 

Patton had come up behind them and they hadn’t noticed, and had been listening curiously to their conversation for a bit. His nostrils flared a bit. 

“Oh nothing you don’t get up to with Karen’s husband, Susan.” He broke in cheerfully. The mothers jumped a bit and stared at him- well, except Karen, who was glaring at Susan. He smiled pleasantly. 

“You-” she started

“Well, you and Helen, Karen, so I don’t know if pointing fingers is really a good thing. So I’m sure it’s fine, you ladies are still organizing the bake sale?” 

They did not seem interested in talking about baked goods or scouting, devolving quickly into name calling and accusations. 

“Hrm.” Patton blinked a few times. “They didn’t know. Whoops. That’s a thing.” He backed up and walked around them, heading to the group of children who were now staring at the fight which was also drawing the attention of other parents. 

“Hey!” he greeted them. “Who’s ready to review plant identifications on the hike today?! It’s the Plant-d activity! Show me some hands!” He scattered around some high fives, and led them down the trail. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if Patton thought they knew.  
> I'm really on the fence, he could be doing it to toss a golden apple because they annoyed him.   
>  he smelled it on them.  
> he is like 85% less innocent than he pretends to be sometimes


	3. Speaking in Code?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> takes place before the main story

“We got a little bit of that black romance going on, girl?” Remy cooed pressing his cheek against Virgil’s and making kissy noises. 

“We do not!” Virgil shoved Remy’s face hard. “We don’t have black, red or white, you Strider-looking motherfucker.”

“Aw, you think I’m cool!”

“I think _you_ think you’re cool. Read the fucking chatlogs.” 

Emile was giggling, as the two vampires dissolved into unintelligible bickering and wrestling, hissing at each other. 

“Do you know what they’re saying?” Logan asked. “I assume it was a code of some sort?” 

“Oh yes! They’re referencing a webcomic. I read it too, but it’s not really my taste. Interesting take on relationships though.”

“What are they saying?”

“Hatefuck/no-hatefuck/you’re a douche in shades.” Roman translated. Logan turned slowly, and incredulously. 

“You read it as well?” 

“It was really big for a while.” 

“I read some of it, but the aliens threw me.” Patton admitted. 

“So I’m the only one who has no idea what’s going on here? Wonderful.” 

“To be fair, Logan,” Roman said delicately. “I’ve read it twice and I’m not one hundred percent sure what happened. There was a lot of time travel.”

“I like time travel…” Logan said thoughtfully. “And Aliens? It is some sort of science fiction?” 

“Well I can throw you a link, but you’re probably going to hate it.” 

It was worse than that.

Logan loved it unironically. At first he had been upset at the silliness, but then everything else grabbed him so hard that he didn’t just come to accept it, but enjoy it, though he would use ‘dada-eqse’ to describe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Logan's favorite troll is Equius.


	4. Multi tasking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one gets directly referenced in 'Who Knew?'

Logan was taking notes during the lecture when Patton’s head suddenly came off his paws, head cocking at the lecturer. Under the service vest, his fur ruffled, and he tipped his head at Logan. He made a noise in his throat. 

Logan just continued. 

Patton whined, very softly, and nudged Logan’s leg. Logan glanced down at him, shook his head just a bit, and refocused on the lecturer. Patton sat up more, and pawed at Logan’s leg, making the noise again, somewhat louder. 

One of their classmates glanced over, and Logan put a hand on Patton’s head, pressing down slightly, trying to get him to subside. 

“Logan.” Patton whined. It might not have sounded like his name to anyone else, but Logan recognized it, and stood up very quickly. More people turned and stared, as he shoved his notebook into his bag, and tried to exit as unobtrusively as possible.

“Is there a _problem_ , Mr. Croft?” The lecturer asked dryly. Patton made a small noise in his throat again. The entire class was staring now, which is what Logan had hoped to avoid. He got enough stares, what with the service dog and his taller than average stature. 

“I believe I forgot to take my medication at lunch.” Logan lied smoothly. “If you’ll excuse me, this should only take a moment.” Exiting the lecture hall, he went down the hall to the family rest room, Patton trotting at his side.

“What was that?” Logan demanded as soon as the door was locked. 

“He was WRONG.” Patton growled. “Did you HEAR him? Standing there and lying about the long term effects of -”

“I know, Patton, but I am not going to interrupt a lecture to correct a teacher.”

“Somebody needs to.” the werewolf huffed. “Or your fellow students might believe him.”

“It is not my job to fact check for my classmates.”

“Why not!?” Patton hopped up to his full height, looking ridiculous with the dog vest hanging off his neck and waist. In any other werewolf, Logan suspected he’d be facing a manwolf, but Patton had never been able to do that on purpose. Taking a deep breath, he looked down at his long time lover, but was suddenly distracted.

“… Patton. Why aren’t you wearing pants?” 

Glancing down, he turned pink and resumed his wolf form, ears and tail down. 

“I um. Forgot. I’d gotten syrup on my pants at breakfast, and I was changing, but then we had to leave and I just… didn’t put them on.”

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose.   
“Given that, perhaps we can agree that mistakes can be made through ignorance?” 

“But Logan-” Patton whined. 

“I was going to say something when he called for questions at the end of the lecture.” 

“Oh.” if anything the wolf looked more chagrined. 

“Oh indeed.” Wrinkling his nose, because they were in a bathroom, he went down on one knee to look Patton in the eye. “I know it can be hard to deal with ignorance, Patton, but I need you to hold it in until we get home. If I miss something, you can point it out then, and I will bring it up in the next class.” Patton put his muzzle on Logan’s shoulder.

“Sorry.” he muttered. 

“It’s all right.” Slowly he stood up and stretched his back. “Let’s get back to the terrible lecture, shall we? We don’t want to miss any correctable points.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dude, don't ignore your service dog.


	5. Electrifying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Virgil are too gay sometimes

It didn’t surprise Thomas much that Logan and Virgil at least, were more responsible than he’d been. Virgil was finicky enough to sort through the mail almost every day after it arrived, sorting it by both recipient and importance. The two of them together went over their combined budget on a monthly basis, preferably before the automatic payments came out of the household account.  
They sat close together, looking at the same laptop screen. 

Once, before they were aware of Thomas, they’d had an argument that Virgil couldn’t sit on Logan’s lap while they did the budgeting, even if the chair could take it, even if it was practical for both of them to see the screen at once. The trouble was that Logan was _terribly_ distracted by Virgil’s conditioner, and Virgil was in turn _completely_ distracted by having his hair nosed at, even if what Logan was actually murmuring about was not letting Roman do the grocery shopping alone until he could learn to actually stick to a list. 

Regardless of the separate chairs, Thomas still regarded budget time as a chance for Logan and Virgil to flirt. They seemed to be having a very serious discussion about something this month, however, and Thomas drifted in, flicking on the electric kettle and nudging open the cabinet that they kept the tea in as a hint that maybe they should calm down. 

“Wait.” Logan said, “That’s it.” 

“What is?”

“The factor we were ignoring.” he rolled his eyes. “Virgil, when did the increase start?” 

Peering at the screen, Virgil flicked over a couple files. 

“It started right after Halloween, looks like.” He sat up and rolled his eyes. “No way.”

“It’s possible.” 

“I can’t believe it.”

“It’s not that big an increase, just… noticeable. And it jumped again after…” 

“Hey Thomas?” Virgil called. 

Thomas startled to full awareness. He’d started cycling out of the kitchen thoughtlessly. If he wasn’t thinking of anything, Thomas would often make a circuit of the house, living room, kitchen, living room, dining area, living room first bed room, bathroom, living room- not really doing anything in any of the areas just moving restlessly. He was as likely to do that as to just drift in the living room. 

“yeah?” he asked, putting himself in order and fading into partial visibility. 

“How are you at remembering to turn lights off after yourself?” 

“… Why do you ask?”

“power bill.” Virgil said simply. “I mean, it might not be; you’ve been here the whole time, but…”

The room chilled a touch, and Thomas shifted in place, embarrassed.  
“I’ve been eating electricity like I was eating batteries, haven’t I?” 

“It appears so.” Logan had been scribbling on some scrap paper. “It’s only a few dollars a month, but we are normally fairly consistent. I was only watching closely because this is the first year we’ve had a house, instead of an apartment, and I wanted to see what the differences were.” 

“I’m so sorry.” the room chilled another notch, and he waved his hand as if dispelling an unpleasant aroma instead of embarrassment. 

“It really is okay. Honestly, it’s better knowing than wondering if something is going wrong with the electronics.” 

“Well…” Thomas tried to laugh it off, and not feel like a leech. It wasn’t as if he could pay them back. “I’ll try to be more careful about turning things off after myself.” he paused. “And Roman.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The room gets colder when Thomas has emotions; especially, sadly for him, embarrassment.
> 
> Someday I hope to get rid of my urge of 'when in doubt, drag Roman'


	6. Pat the Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pre-Main Storyline, Logan's classmate is curious about his service dog

There were multiple reasons why Patton acting as a service dog was less than ideal. As a wolf he was much bigger than most dogs, but he looked smaller next to Logan, so that was something. The paperwork had been tricky, and involved lying, which was not Patton’s favorite thing. But the overwhelming atmosphere of college had nearly proven too much for Logan, and Patton’s presence did avert meltdowns, and help him recover from them. While having a service dog drew attention to him, it was less embarrassing than having a friend who went everywhere with him. 

It wasn’t even that bad that some days he didn’t have Patton with him in class. His classmates and professors assumed it was like any other mobility aid and some days he needed help more than others. 

A problem he had not anticipated was a classmate asking his dog’s name.

A classmate that had already met his boyfriend, Patton. 

While _he_ didn’t see any problem with lying, per say, Logan preferred no to distort the world more than it needed to be and generally set about organizing his life so he wouldn’t have to do so, beyond a few thoroughly necessary lies. And those were mostly on paperwork. But the name hadn’t come up before.

“Pat.” he answered without thinking.

“Pat the dog?” his classmate laughed. 

“Please do not, he is on duty.” Logan answered automatically. This only brought further laughter. 

“Doesn’t that get confusing? I mean, him and Patton in the same apartment?” 

Patton looked up at Logan, jaw dropped in a canine grin. He was laughing. Whether it was at the joke or Logan’s discomfort would be seen later. 

“Patton named him. He did most of the training, as well, so it seemed fair.” 

“Oh. Yeah, I can see that.” his classmate nodded. “I didn’t know that was a casual thing you could do?”

“What?” 

“Training service dogs. I thought that was a big deal, especially for ones that aren’t just emotional support dogs.”

“Emotional support and service animals are entirely different skill sets.” Logan laid his hand between Patton’s ears. “Though they can overlap, it’s unusual.” 

“So what does your dog do?” 

“I beg your pardon?”

“I’ve seen you around without it;”

“Him.” While the fiction was that Patton was a dog, the repeated usage was starting to put a bad taste in Logan’s mouth, and Patton had stopped smiling. 

“And you can see and all, so what’s your dog _do_?” 

“I’m sorry that no one has informed you of this;” Logan said after a pause. “But asking for a service animal’s purpose or tasks is in poor taste.”

“It’s not a big deal.” the classmate shrugged. “I just wanted to know if there was anything I should look for, like seizures or something.” 

“You don’t need to worry.” Logan said after a long moment. “Any issues I have are why I have him.” He laid his hand on Patton’s head in a comforting fashion. “And I am fortunate to have him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also posted on my Tumblr, thebestworstidea


	7. Well Spotted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because werewolfs don't age like normal humans doesn't mean they don't change.   
> well, in more ways than one.

Patton frowned into the mirror.

It was still there. 

He’d never been one to freckle, being more of a burn fast then tan and stay that way for the rest of the summer complexion. He only really wore sunblock at Logan’s insistence, under his own steam he’d be more inclined to just trust in his natural regenerative qualities. Logan had given him a whole lecture on the lack of study of diseases, especially cancer vs werewolf metabolisms, and would repeat it with updates if Patton tried to escape without sunblock, so it was easier to wear it. 

Besides it was a good example for people around him, and solidarity for Logan who burned just barely less than _Virgil_ , which was something of an accomplishment. 

So this was strange, especially given the moon had just come off waning full, so Patton was as healthy as he would ever be, barring him giving up cookies in favor of crunches, which realistically wasn’t going to happen. 

But this wasn’t really a freckle, was it? It was… like the opposite of a freckle. A paler patch at the inner edge of his eye lid. In fact he thought it might be bigger than it was before, a creamy-pink patch. He compared it mentally to the first time he’d noticed it. It was still smaller than his pinky nail but it was definitely bigger than before. He whined again. 

“Something the matter?” Roman yawned behind him. Patton jumped and dropped his hand to the sink, picking up his razor again. 

“no, not really.” Patton leaned over to kiss the top of Roman’s head, which made him grumble slightly. “Just one of those ‘huh this is my face’ mornings, you know?” 

“Well, not everyone is as fortunate as I am.” Roman chuckled, “But I have had those, yes.” he rubbed a bit of shaving foam out of his hair. “Well, I’m showering now, I guess.” 

“Sorry not sorry. If you’re gonna being all cute, I’m gonna kiss you!” Patton stuck his tongue out, and resumed shaving. 

“If that was the rules, my perfect puffball, how would I ever stop kissing you?” Roman demanded. Patton just giggled. Behind him, the shower turned on, and he almost choked as Roman threw a flirty smile over his shoulder before disappearing into it. 

“Your vicious seduction won’t work on me, mister.” Patton teased. He finished shaving, as Roman started singing sweetly in the shower, testing Patton’s resolve. He had to get dressed, make lunch and maybe… he frowned, reaching under his glasses to touch the strange patch of skin. Well, maybe a shower wouldn’t hurt.

After that Patton forgot about the paler patch. It wasn’t really important, after all. It was barely visible behind his glasses. In fact, the next time he noticed it, he was pretty sure he must be mistaken because he’d thought it was on the other side. 

“Hey, Pat, c’mere.” Virgil called. 

“What’s up?” Patton asked. He’d been trying to relearn sewing, and was working on a stitch sampler, which was going pretty frustratingly badly. He was pretty sure he’d been okay at this as a teenager. “it’s just my lap’s full, so-”

“No it’s cool.” Virgil was suddenly sitting next to him on the couch. He took Patton’s face in one hand, staring into his eyes, and Patton couldn’t help but wiggle a little bit happily, hand coming up to cover Virgil’s cold one. Virgil smiled at that and pushed up Patton’s glasses onto his head, kissing his nose, which only made him wiggle more. “Hold still!” the vampire laughed, putting his other hand on Patton’s other cheek, rubbing at his cheekbone with a thumb. “I think you’ve got something on your face- were you baking today?” 

“No?” Patton held a little more still as Virgil swiped the pad of his thumb over Patton’s eyelid gently, then with a little more pressure. 

“Huh.” Leaning forward, he dropped a kiss in the same place, then licked, just a little. Patton squealed and pushed away, falling off the couch as he burst into laughter. 

“That tickles!” He hopped up to his wolf form pressing Virgil to the couch and licking him back in retaliation.

“Hey no!” Virgil laughed. “Not fair! Stop it! Argh! No! You’re shedding! It’s going to get on my clothes!” 

“You started it.” Patton laughed, resting his head in his boyfriend’s lap. 

“Teach me to show concern.” Virgil pretended to be grouchy, and Patton pressed closer.

“Noooo you love me.”

“I do?”

“You do!” 

“I do.” Virgil kissed his nose. Patton turned back just so he could return the favor, holding him in place. Virgil had to wiggle loose to wash his face, not willing to sit there with wolf slobber, but he came back for more kisses, so that was okay. 

“Were you playing with makeup today?” Logan asked suddenly. They were in the middle of making dinner, and the question seemed to come out of nowhere. 

“Huh?” Patton blinked. “No, not today, why?” 

“I just noticed that you have something white around your eyes.” 

Patton scratched the back of his head, then suddenly remembered that discoloration he’d noticed a while back. He immediately tried to check his reflection in the back of a spoon. He licked it clean, and tried again. 

“Patton-” Logan said with fond exasperation. He looked up and saw that Logan was offering his phone. Patton had promised to leave his on the counter out of reach after almost dropping it into dishes one too many times while trying to take the perfect picture. He snapped a selfie and peered at it, unconsciously running a finger up under his glasses. Logan was right. There was a smear of off white on his lids. Frowning, he tried to look at the picture as if it someone he didn’t know. Then he thumbed at the settings a few times, until it looked more like wolf vision. It wasn’t perfect- nothing was, but he’d done it a few times to recognize things better. Even his normal slight colorblindness wasn’t the same.

“Logan?” he said quietly looking up. “Do- do you think there’s something the matter? I have… patches. They didn’t used to be there.” 

Logan took Patton’s glasses off and set them aside, cupping his face and staring at it for a long time. Patton rested his hands on top of Logan’s and just waited, staring up at him patiently. Behind him, the stove clicked off, keeping the dinner from burning. Finally, Logan let go of Patton’s face, and picked his phone up, pulling a stylus from his pocket to type into it as he often did. Patton reclaimed his glasses, and put the finishing touches on dinner as Logan did whatever he was doing. 

“Vitiligo.” Logan said without preamble.

“Pardon?” 

“Vitiligo.” He repeated. “It’s a skin condition. The pigment of the skin leaches away, leaving paler patches. Commonly develops around the eyes first.” 

“I’m going to get more patchy?” Patton whined. Logan reached out and stroked his hair, and Patton pressed his face into Logan’s shirt. 

“It’s not dangerous Patton. It’s more commonly visible in darker skin tones, but it can happen to anyone.” 

“I just… I don’t want to look weird.” Patton mumbled. 

“Here.” at Logan’s urging, Patton turned around, and Logan showed him pictures on his phone. “Do they look weird?” 

“Oh they’re _pretty!”_ Patton exclaimed. 

“And you are pretty as well.” Logan kissed the top of his head. 

“He sure is!” Roman said from the doorway. “Are we just randomly complimenting him, or?” 

“But you really should be more careful about sunscreen now, Patton.” Logan added. “Since those areas will take sun damage faster.” 

Patton laughed. 

Somehow, he was pretty sure everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when writing in Logan: a Modern Fairytale, I learned that piebald markings are a form of albinism, and realized that I'd missed an opportunity to not make Patton's fur markings follow through to his skin with virtilgo.   
> Unluckily for Patton, he was still in the window where it can just... develop.   
> Patton's normal skintone can be described as 'the pale end of beige' even when he doesn't tan, which he often will, even wearing sunblock. 
> 
> Come yell at me at [thebestworstidea](https://thebestworstidea.tumblr.com/) on tumblr


	8. Spa Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Patton sheds.  
> Like, a lot. 
> 
> Pre-main storyline

Virgil was vacuuming. He didn’t particularly care for it, but he had pulled entirely too much fluff out of his computer keyboard the night before; so when he woke up late afternoon alone in the apartment, he’d hauled the vacuum out and started at one end, working towards the other. 

He’d never known a werewolf before Patton. He’d heard about them of course; vampires tended to be ridiculous snobs and loved to gossip. It was Remy’s accepting attitude not his need to consume all the tea that set him apart from the rest of the - as Logan had put it- “Blood drinking community” but that didn’t mean what he’d heard was necessarily accurate. The point was Virgil had no idea how Patton managed to shed _while in human form._ Technically they had a waiver on the lease for Logan’s ‘mobility dog’ but the landlord was cranky as fuck about it, and Patton spent most of his time inside the apartment in skin, not fur. This somehow did not stop the apartment from filling up with mounds of fluffy white and brown fur, especially in the spring. 

Logan had said the first couple of springs after they’d moved to Florida were especially terrible, and he had tried to keep up by brushing Patton daily, Patton had a picture of himself sitting sheepishly next to a pile of fur that looked as big as he was, which he found hilarious. Logan had offhand commented that being in an entire house of werewolves was worse, and it made Virgil’s head spin. How did they not simply have carpets of felted fur? It was a mystery. 

He’d changed the vacuum bag once and was on his second pass through when he heard the front door unlock and made a face. Patton always said he was going to vacuum, but he hated the noise, and even wearing noise canceling headphones, he tended to rush and miss spots in his desire not to be that close to the machine. Virgil shut it off and stuck his head around the corner into the hallway.

“Sup.” he said and blinked, because Logan was by himself, hanging up Patton’s service dog harness and taking his shoes off.

“Good evening, Virgil.” Logan said pleasantly. Virgil drifted over, kissing Logan on the cheek, before settling back on his heels. 

“Not that I’m not thrilled to see you, but didn’t Patton go with you today? You had class in that lecture hall with all the stairs, and the horrible acoustics.” 

“He did, but Roman met us as we were leaving campus, and said he was stealing Patton for a spa day. I went to the library alone to study afterwards. Are they not back?” 

“Nah, I’ve been alone since I woke up. Been vacuuming.” 

“Thank you.” Logan ducked down and gave Virgil a kiss which he smiled into, and maybe kissed back a little. They parted and smiled a bit at each other. 

“I don’t know enough about spas to know if it’s been a long time or not.” Logan admitted. 

“Me neither. I mean, Roman’s talked me into a pedicure, but that’s not, like, a spa experience.” Virgil had to grin remember the horrified expressions on some of the other customer’s faces as they’d come in, though whether it had been for his gothyness, Roman’s skin tone, or their blatant homosexuality was a question for the ages. White women of a certain type were just too much fun to wind up. It had been kinda nice, even if it had taken some real will power to let someone touch his feet. “Should we text him and find out when they’re coming home?”

“Or we could enjoy the quiet.” 

They shared a smile, but Virgil shook his head. “I mean, I’m going to finish vacuuming, so I don’t know how quiet it will be.” 

“Well the two loudest members of the household are gone, so I expect very, vacuum and all” 

They shared another smile at their boyfreinds’ expense. 

Virgil had gotten the vacuum back into storage, and was sitting quietly in the kitchen while Logan made dinner, when the door unlocked and Patton stomped in, looking quite out of sorts. It wasn’t very late, not even seven. It looked as though the ‘spa’ had included a haircut, his curls trimmed back to only a gentle tostle at the top. 

“Love, please.” Roman begged following him in. “You look wonderful!” 

“Logan tell Roman I’m not speaking to him.” Patton sniffed. 

“Over a haircut?” Logan asked, bewildered. Patton turned and glared at Roman. 

“Patton, darling” Roman said, failing to his knees and taking Patton’s hands. “Tell me how I can earn your forgiveness sooner. I genuinely thought that you’d enjoy it!” 

“What happened?” Virgil asked, pulling an earbud out. “How could a spa day piss Patton off?” 

“Spa day.” Patton scoffed. There was polish on his nails, but oddly applied. 

“It wasn’t a spa day?” Logan asked. 

“I will give him that it was a very high quality _dog groomer_.” 

“Oooh.” Logan winced. “Roman, I’m sorry, Patton isn’t speaking to you.” 

“You looked like you were having fun!” Roman protested. “You were very good.” 

Patton tensed up, his hair shifting on it’s own before he pulled his hands out of Roman’s and going over to hug Virgil hello. Roman fell face first on the vinyl flooring and didn’t move. 

“I take it I shouldn’t compliment the shampoo?” Virgil asked, kissing Patton’s cheek in case that sent him into the dog house with Roman. 

“It’s for a glossy coat and anti-flea and tick.” Patton mumbled into his shoulder. 

“I wonder how long that’ll last?” Virgil said thoughtfully.

“VIRGE!” 

“What, you hate ticks, and I hate taking them off you!” Virgil protested, and pulled Patton into a hug before he could pull away, petting the short clipped hair on the back of his head. Relenting Patton sat in his lap. “You look super cute. Considering they cut it while you were a wolf, it translated well.” 

“I know.” he mumbled very quietly. Roman hadn’t moved, as though he’d just given up on the world. “It really was very nice.” 

“Are you teasing Roman?” Virgil whispered in his ear. 

“A little. He bought me the most enormous apology ice cream.” 

Virgil sniggered. 

“I’m kind of wondering how long I can draw it out. It was a nice thought, even if it was super tacky.” 

“You’re a bad man Patton Hart.” Virgil whispered and kissed him on both cheeks. “Do we get to see the whole effect?” 

“Fine, since it’s done anyway.” Patton hopped out of Virgil’s lap, and Logan slapped a lid on the pan as Patton changed forms, since that tended to result in an explosion of shed fur. Nothing happened. Patton stood with his fore-paws on Roman’s back, making him moan piteously, and raised one leg, posing. He was substantially less fluffy than usual, close cropped, with a bit of extra fluff left around his face. 

“Tahdah!” 

“They groomed all the shed out!” Logan said, astounded. “That never would have occurred to me; after the brushing failed.”

“This is so much cooler. Like, 80% cooler for sure.” Patton said. 

“What?!” Roman did his best to push himself off the floor, but was weighed down with a great deal of wolf. “You manipulative jackal!” he cried. “You LIKE it.” 

Patton lay down on top of him, laughing, and licked the back of Roman’s head. 

“Well, technicaly I didn’t say I didn’t. Just that it was tacky to promise me a spa and bring me to a groomer.” 

“Logan, tell Patton I’m not talking to him.” 

“Why is it always me?” he demanded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a friend talked about a werewolf going to the groomer for a spa day, and I said 'well, I can do that.'


	9. The Internet is a silly place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Virgil have a very serious conversation.

“You’re a cryptid~!” Virgil exclaimed.

“Ah- technically true, but what?” Roman looked up from what he was reading

Virgil pointed at his laptop screen. 

“I just found a thread about you, and how you’re;” he choked and continued “Some sort of immortal, because there are pictures of actors that quote ‘look just like him’ unquote.” Roman leaned on Virgil’s shoulders and looked at the screen. 

“Well, that one is, and that one is, but that one isn’t, and frankly I’m a little insulted. That mustache is  _ hideous _ .” 

Virgil’s shoulders shook under his hands as he laughed. 

“Do you think maybe you should pick a different career for a while?”

Roman gave an offended gasp. 

“How DARE. Theatre is my life.” 

“You’re dead.” 

“All the more reason I can’t give it up.” He wiggled into Virgil’s lap, making the vampire shift backwards to accommodate him. “Look, I’ve broken into show business four times- five if you count before I died, I am not giving it up just because modern technology is going to make staying hidden harder. I can roll with being thought immortal. It works for Keanu Reeves!” He tented his hands in front of his face. “And one day, I will work with him, and I shall discover the truth, once and for all.” 

“They really threw your brain out, didn’t they?” 

“So what I’m hearing is you don’t want to know what kind of immortal Keanu Reeves is?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be honest, I don't know if they were still tossing the brain in the period Roman was mummified. But Virgil loves teasing him.


End file.
